This is a complex question to answer. Each of us navigates the loss of a loved one in our own way. How we present ourselves in public likely differs from what happens during our quiet moments of solitude. We often marvel at how “strong” someone appears to be when we have only a glimpse of the emotional toll they may be carrying. We also criticize people when we believe they have “moved on too soon,” never realizing how much effort it may take for them simply to make it through each passing day.

Rarely does one loss remain neatly contained. We build systems and routines that help us manage our grief, only to discover how fragile they can feel when another loss comes. Like sandcastles overtaken by the next wave, what we have carefully constructed may shift or collapse, leaving us to find our footing once again.

Romans 12:15 instructs us to “rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” It does not tell us to explain another person’s grief, compare it to our own, or determine how long it should last. It simply calls us to meet people where they are.

Mourning with someone requires patience. It may mean listening without offering advice, continuing to check in after everyone else has returned to their routines, or making room for both laughter and tears. It also means recognizing that moments of joy do not indicate that someone has stopped grieving. Grief and joy can exist together.

Finding our footing does not mean pretending the wave never came. It means continuing to steady ourselves, however long that takes, and surrounding ourselves with people who help create a safe space for us to do so.

When we are supporting someone who is grieving, our role is not to measure their progress or determine when they should be “better.” We can offer compassion and grace, remembering that we will all need both at some point in our lives.

So, how long is a season of grief?

It takes what it takes for each of us.

Dr. Tanya Upthegrove Gregory